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1960年生まれ。精神科医。臨床をおこなう傍ら、テレビ・ラジオ・雑誌などで幅広く活躍。精神科医から見た、映画・漫画評論にも定評がある。著書に『14歳の子を持つ親たちへ』(共著・新潮社)、『まわりにあわせすぎる人たち』(共著・IBCパブリッシング)『女はギャップ!』(扶桑社)『ハッピー8』(朝日新聞社)など。 現在「ラジかるっ」(日本テレビ)に出演中。
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8講目:愛するより、愛されよう。
ウナは純粋すぎるソクチュンが自分とつりあわないと感じながらも、愛される喜びに目覚め、「ウナさんを世界で一番幸せにしてあげます」というソクチュンのプロポーズの言葉を受け入れます。その後、酔っ払って「私の人生ホントに波乱万丈なの」と告白するウナ。ソクチュンはそんな彼女をやさしい笑顔で包み込みます。

8講目:愛するより、愛されよう。_c0085960_1519528.jpg

名越「現代では、強く相手を愛し続けるパワーを持っている女性は、残念ながら少なくなっています。だから僕は、女性には愛するよりも愛される恋愛をお勧めします。

昔の女性は自立する道が少なかったんです。生きていくためには誰かの妻にならないといけないから、お嫁さんになる覚悟も早く決まっていることが一般的でした。炊事、洗濯、針仕事などを幼い頃から学び、いわば結婚生活への準備をさせられていたようなものです。嫁ぎ先にいる姑との人間関係も、子供の頃から自分の母親のケースを見てきて学んでいる。いかにも自由のない人生ですが、“主婦”の座に落ち着く準備は充分できていたのです。でも、今の女性にはそんな下地がない。それに、さまざまな生き方の選択肢が増えて、自分ひとりで生きていくことも難しくなくなった。他の道がいくらでも選べるから、我慢しなくてもいいんです。

一方で男性の側も、自分が生きてゆく上で、とりたてて大きな夢を描かない限り、先輩から仕事を一から学んだり、さまざまな人の協力を得て業務を進めたりする必要は少なくなって来ています。ですから、対人関係の中で多くの経験を積んでいる男性が減っているんです。

現代においては、女性より男性のほうが、人間関係においては圧倒的に稚拙です。恋愛に限らず、友達とも信頼関係や深い絆を一度も培ったことのないまま、30代を迎えてしまった男性が世の中に溢れています。そのため、友人や家族とそれなりに豊かな人間関係を築いてきた女性が、男性と付き合いだしたとき、大きなカルチャーショックを受けることも少なくありません。女性がさまざまな心遣いや優しさを示して見せても、つまり精神的な贈り物を貢いだとしても、男性がうまく受け止められず、そっけない反応しかできないパターンが増えてきているんです。

すると、女性は、この人は私のことを心から愛していないと感じ、失望したり、幻滅したりします。一生懸命彼を愛しても一方通行なので、そのたびに寂しさを感じてしまうわけです。でも、ふだんから女性も人間関係が希薄になっているので、週末を一人で過ごすことは寂しすぎて耐え切れない。一人で居るよりはまだましだという思いだけで、恋人と別れられない、という女性も多く見受けられます。

人間関係の絆の大切さを分かろうとしない男性は、多くが治療不可能です。そういう意味でも女性はしっかりと男性を見極めて、愛するより、愛される恋愛を選んだほうがいいと思うんです」
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