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A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

I am not young enough to know everything.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

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For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

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Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

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It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

OMcNyE

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

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Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

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DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

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The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

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They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

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Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

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Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

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Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

zhtubmtikmgtvsjjvbqd, http://www.ucxarxitdh.com qkblysjico

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

pDntyPU

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

Mit der Dummheit kmpfen Gtter selbst vergebens

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

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Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

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I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

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If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

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Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

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Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

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When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

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