確かに止まりませんね( ´∀｀)
何なんでしょう、あの独特な歯ごたえ。ボリボリして、決して美味しくない気がするんですが、何故か気が付くと手が伸びている。ヤバいです、あれは。

そんなに絶賛するほどの味なんですか！？？？

試してみます～～＾＾
私の夏を感じる瞬間は、あせもです。

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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

reinaldo-4D586F01@fireden.netrogelio-4D586F01@fireden.netI have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

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I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

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Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

The truth is more important than the facts.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

brock-4D5C86F0@fireden.netbrandon-4D5C86F0@fireden.netAll I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

karl-4D5F2569@fireden.netkurt-4D5F2569@fireden.netNow, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

eldenEA8F2C60@fireden.netphilipEA8F2C60@fireden.netThe secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

nigelC19022C1@fireden.netdevinC19022C1@fireden.netO'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

willian-4D64C1DA@fireden.netoren-4D64C1DA@fireden.netO'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

hugo-4D64C1EF@fireden.netandrea-4D64C1EF@fireden.netO'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

eugenio-4D64C1F5@fireden.netjarrod-4D64C1F5@fireden.netO'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

adalbertoEA8F2C60@fireden.netartEA8F2C60@fireden.netWe all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

cedrickDE56A944@fireden.netfredericDE56A944@fireden.netThe nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

I am not young enough to know everything.

I am not young enough to know everything.

I am not young enough to know everything.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Why don't you write books people can read?

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

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